Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dating: The Great Mystery Of The Single Person

I have been trying to come up for some good dating ideas for this weekend. In trying to come up with some good ideas I came across this list of dating do's and don'ts from some of the sisters that were in my singles ward. As I have been reading some of the advice and comments from the girls, I was reminded of one of the best dates that I've ever been on. I won't share that experience here. If you really want to know about it, just ask. I wanted to talk more about the perceptions of dating that we have and some of the things that I've learned in the past 15 years or so about dating. These observations are from a male point of view and if I'm way off or don't have a full understanding of what's going on, please comment. After all, I'm no expert. I'm still trying to figure this dating thing out.

1. Even if you have no intention of starting a long term relationship, most girls would still like to be asked out, even if it's just for fun. I have found that most girls would rather go out just for fun than be stuck sitting at home. Very few girls would not want to be asked out at all.

2. If you're asking a person out on a date, it's a good idea to have a plan on what to do on the date when the time for said date comes around. Girls do not like to be asked, "So what do you want to do?" Girls like the effort that guys put in to showing them a good time. If you really want to have the girls input, have a couple ideas ready for her to choose from. But never ever go in with no plan. That is usually not the way to a super fun and memorable date. Okay, it may end up being memorable, but not for the right reasons.

3. A good date is constituted of easy flowing conversation and no awkwardness. Let's face it, we've all been on dates where there is awkward silence and you couldn't think of anything to talk about. Not a fun time. Now I'm not saying that a good date will lead you to your soul mate, but the chances of finding your soul mate from a bad date are significantly less. It's important for the date to feel comfortable and laid back.

4. There are no set dating rules. What I mean is, there is no rule stating that you should call a girl 2 days before you get her number and not a moment before. There is no chart that says by the 3rd date you should be holding hands, by the 5th date there should be at least a kiss, and by the 14th date there should be a marriage proposal. Life rarely, if ever, adheres to such rules. All relationships progress differently because there are different people involved in each relationship. A relationship should progress at a comfortable pace for both people involved.

5. Even if girl is not interested in you, more than likely she will grant you at least one date. So make the most of it. Have fun. Dating is to have a good time and find traits that you like in others. Just because there may not be a romantic attraction, doesn't mean that the person has no redeeming qualities. Go out, have a good time, and you may even find a trait in that "just for fun" date that you want a future girlfriend/boyfriend to have.

6. Be the kind of person that you would want to date. If you want a person that is spiritual or that serves others, you should try to develop those qualities in yourself. The saying "birds of feather, flock together" is a true statement. I was talking to my sister and explaining to her that I wanted someone with a testimony of the Savior, someone that realizes the importance of family home evening, and temple attendance. She explained to me that if I wanted a girl with those traits and attributes, I should work on developing them in myself.

These are just a few of the things that I've learned. If I'm way off, hopefully someone will set me straight so I can get this figured out. Maybe something here will help someone else.

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