Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday Mornings

Dear Saturday Morning,

I write this knowing you have already come and gone for your weekly visit. I wanted take a little time to write to you. I'm doing this during the time I spend with your brother, Saturday Afternoon, but he'll get over it.

Saturday Morning, you have been over stepping your bounds as of late. I used to enjoy our easy going times together. You never brought the alarm clock with you like your friends, Weekday Mornings. I thought our time was mutually enjoyable. I would sleep and recuperate from hanging out late with Friday Night.

Lately you have become more and more insistent in starting our time together earlier. The last couple of weeks you have decided to wake me up between the hour of 6 am and 7 am. This does not make me happy. I'm not sure why you have started doing this, but I would appreciate it if you would stop. I'm single, with no children, and relatively young. There is no reason for you to wake me up so early.

I admit when I was younger we had something of a contract. You would wake me up early. We would eat sugary cereals and spend our time watching cartoons. Those are fond memories. But I've gotten older and I've changed. Things won't be like that anymore. But that doesn't mean they won't be good.

Let's compromise. You promise to let me sleep in until at least 9 am. Then we can spend the morning making breakfast, playing football, running, hiking, playing racquetball, or whatever else sparks our fancy. Sound like a deal?

I'm looking forward to seeing you next week.

Your friend,

Friday, February 27, 2009

The Friday Funny: Puns & Other Groaners

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on ahead."

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes in-verse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

"Where The Light Is Better"

Sometimes our sports heroes really are as good as we hope they are. In a world of prima donna wide receivers and steroid fueled baseball sluggers, it's nice to see that some sports figures really get it.

My issue of ESPN The Magazine showed up in the mail today. The first thing I do when I get a new issue is to quickly flip through the pages looking for anything Denver Broncos related. What a delight to find the last page with this picture right on top. I started reading the story standing in the doorway. Yes, I'm enough of a Broncos fan to stop whatever it is I'm doing to devote all of my attention to anything having to do with the team.

The story I read can be found here.

I hate to admit, but I've been turning into a big softy and this story touched me. It's stories like this which make it so easy to be fans of sport figures that are stand up people. It's not what they do on the field, ice, green, or court that matters. It's what they do when the cameras aren't rolling, the lights aren't flashing, and the crowds aren't cheering that really matters. I think it's what makes them into real sports heroes instead of just sports figures.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Top 5: TV Theme Song Edition

I probably watch way more TV than I should. In fact, I know I watch too much. I can't help it, I get sucked in by a good story. Plus I learn lots of useless and random facts, which is always fun at parties. That is if I can tear myself away from the TV long enough to actually go out and be social. Anyway, I'm getting off topic here.

Back to the topic at hand. I was trying to introduce the newest of my Top 5 lists. I haven't done one of these in a while. I was sitting at work, reviewing various pop culture topics in my head, when the theme song from the TV show The Greatest American Hero popped into my head. I started thinking about how catchy it was. That thought eventually evolved (if you can call it evolution) to thinking about what my Top 5 TV theme songs would be. That's how I ended up here. So lets get started.

5. The Greatest American Hero - Believe It Or Not

I have a vague memory of watching this show with my parents as a child. I don't remember much about the show, but I definitely remember the song. Turns out I'm not alone in remembering the song more than the show. The full version of the song actually made it to #2 on the Billboard charts, making it way more popular at the time than the actual show. This song is so catchy that even George Costanza from Seinfeld used it as his answering machine message ("Believe it or not George isn't at home, please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone; where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home!"). It's also been used as material for everything from making fun of President Bush to being parodied by Homestar Runner to being used in the Gilmore Girls. How can a song that has contributed so much to pop culture not be on my list?

4. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme

Chances are if you were a teenager in the 90's like I was then you know all of the words to this song, and can sing them on command. It's cheesy, but don't be ashamed. I can too. There's no judgement here.

3. The Dukes of Hazzard - Good Ol' Boys

When I was younger I loved this show. I don't remember any episodes in particular, but it was the song that stuck with me. Nike helped renew my love for this song by using it in this commercial. This song actually reached number on on the Billboard Hot Country Charts. There is just something enticing about "straitening the curves" and "flattening the hills", basically making your own rules as you go along.

2. The Andy Griffith Show Theme Song

All of the songs on this list ranked and remembered primarily because of my childhood memories. This one I think more than any of the others brings up memories from my childhood. I would watch this during the summers. My dad would come home for lunch and we would watch the daily episode of The Andy Griffith Show. He even taught me how to whistle using this song. It's simple with no need for lyrics. Absolutely classic.

1. Cheers Theme Song

Who doesn't want to go to a place "where everybody knows your name"? The writers of this song attempted 3 times prior before coming up with the final product. What they came up was an instant classic, eventually becoming iconic. Every time I hear this song I have metal images of Cliff and Norm sitting at the bar. Every single time, no matter what the song is used for. And it's been used a lot.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ultimate Man Cave Plans, Finally

Right now it's 11:00 pm on Thursday night and I can't think of what to share with you about my man cave. I designed the layout and even made a 3-D model using Google SketchUp. Yet I still can't seem to come up with a way to explain my ideas in a clear way. Maybe it's writers block. Maybe I'm not that articulate and expressive to begin with. But the fact still remains that I need to post an update. So here it goes.

My ultimate man cave would have all of the following, if I'm ever blessed the the space and money to actually build it. Since I don't see myself winning the lottery any time soon, I'll just have to dream. My man cave would be equipped with everything from a theater room, to a pool table, to a urinal in the bathroom, to a wall painted with a giant Broncos logo. I don't want it to just have the fun toys to make it entertaining, but I also want it to be an expression of my personality. Here is an over view of what I would like it to basically look like.

That's right, this design is pretty generic and you're wondering where the personallity is. The above picture doesn't do justice to what I really envisioned. Maybe it's because I'm not really proficient at using Windows Paint. One day I'll remedy that. Actually, I probably won't. I'll just have to show you the designs I made using Google SketchUp. These pictures better represent what I'm envisioning.

Do you see that? The huge Broncos logo in my billiards area? No.

Okay, here's a better view of that important wall.

I can't forget the theater room with an HD projector.

What man cave would be complete without a barbecue and grilling area?

I designed much more, but I don't want to bore you with more pictures. If I do that, you may just stop reading all together, and I can't have that. Another time I'll post more ideas as my man cave evolves.

There you have it. My ultimate man cave. It's simple, but it's mine. A place to dream about where I can watch the game, grill food, and hang out with the guys. Wait, I'm single. I do all of those things now. Maybe I should work on converting my place into a real life man cave.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

To The Man Cave, Cave Man!

A couple of weeks ago I was watching TV when a commercial for the DIY Network came on. The DIY Network stands for the Do It Yourself Network, which is kind of like HGTV. They show programming to the viewers about how to perform home remodeling themselves. The commercial that came on was for a show called Man Caves. My curiosity was instantly piqued. I want to have a man cave I thought to myself. I did a search on the Internet and found this.

As I've been thinking about man caves for the last couple of weeks, I've come to realize that the concept of the man cave isn't new. The website for Man Caves states: "Every guy needs a space to call his own… a sanctuary where boys can be boys, where life essentials include a wet bar, a poker table and a place to watch the game with the fellas." Batman has the Bat Cave and Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. ESPN Zone's are large public man caves.

Heck, even my dad had a man cave. I think most of our dad's did. Usually it was an old couch sitting across from an old TV where they could watch the game, or the den, or garage. My dad didn't call it a man cave. It was the shed he built in the back yard where he and his friends would hang out. I remember he put in a wood stove and a dart board. I think he convinced my mom it would be an extra storage space for all of the things that had accumulated in the garage in order for her to let him build it. Even as I type this, I realize that my grandpa has a place where he goes to be alone too. My grandma even calls it "the cave". It has his computer and I helped him set up a little black & white TV over Thanksgiving.

Today man caves are much more sophisticated and modern. They have big screen TVs, bars, and pool tables. Still the concept is the same. It's a place where a man can get away and hang out with the boys. Women don't seem to understand the man cave concept. Women will call each other up on the phone or get together for dinner in order to bond. Men need an event like watching a game, or playing golf, or poker, or going fishing. A man cave provides that type of environment to do those things.

I'm still in the process of designing my ultimate man cave. I'll show my design in my next post. Until then, I figured I would post some pictures of man caves that are already in existence.

I like that you can see the screen from the bar.

The pool table is a nice touch.

What's better than one projection screen? Two projection screens.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Dante's Peak

Tonight I watched the movie, Dante's Peak, for the first time. I know the movie is about 12 years old. It came out while I was serving my mission and I never got around to watching it. When I came home and was catching up on the movies I had missed, it wasn't on the list. In fact, I've never even had a desire to see it.

My friend Kerrie changed that. She came over and chose Dante's Peak for us to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I was pleasantly surprised.

I'm not saying I think it's an Academy Award caliber movie. I would say that it's a total popcorn movie. The type of movie that is watched purely for entertainment. I didn't have to think too much about what was going on. I was able to just plop down on the couch and get lost in the movie. That is a nice thing to do. Sometimes I think we look for artistic direction or social commentary so much in films, that we forget that it's okay to just enjoy the movie.

Dante's Peak was fun. Everything from rock slide inside the volcano, to the acid lake, to the lava flow destroying the grandma's house, to the melting tires on the truck while driving through another lava flow. I would have loved to see this movie on the big screen. The special effects were very good, even 12 years later. It's definitely a movie that I would see again.