Tuesday, October 13, 2009


"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be. The people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want."

I hate to admit it, but I may have seen an episode or two of Grey's Anatomy. Even more I hate to admit there are quotes from the show that make a lot of sense. Such is the case with the episode I watched today. I watched an episode today that ended with the above quote. It got me thinking. What are the things that I desire? What are the things that I want most in life? Do I even really know what I want?

I desire to go back to school. I desire to find someone special and start a family. I desire to have a career that I enjoy and provides a good living.

Lately I've been have a really hard time with life. Actually, life has taken me out back, smacked me around a bit, and now refers to me as Susan. I'm sure things could be worse. I'm not starving or homeless. Yet the things I desire seem to be so far out of reach. I've started to wonder if I'll ever have any of the things I want. I have the sickening feeling that I'm going to end up alone, with no education, and an $11 an hour job. The thought of a wasted life kills me. This is not the life I want, but I don't know how to keep it from happening

These lyrics from the song "Ball & Chain" by Social Distortion communicate exactly how I feel.
"Times are hard, getting harder. I'm born to lose and destined to fail."


Sandy Brunson said...

It's been forever since you posted! It was good to hear from you. I think we all have these types of days or weeks or months in our life. Hang in there and come play games some day with us!

Tiffany said...

Life isn't fair. But it's unfair to everyone. That's what makes it fair.

You'll make it through :) smile!

Heather said...

I know what you're going through, at least a little. Some days are good and some days... My recommendation is GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Also if you can, find someone to serve. At least that's what helps me.